I am a pretty secretive person. Maybe you can call me a timid mouse scared of speaking my mind and showing my true colours to the world.
I have been blogging for a month now and it has been anonymous. My blog avatar provides me perfect cover to write whatever I want uncensored. Till now I have been loving the whole blogging experience. I have poured my heart out, tapping away on the keyboard and watched personal experiences being spelt out in black and white on the screen. In real life I guess you can describe me as pretty strait-laced. I mind my P’s and Q’s, don’t speak loudly and mostly go by the rules. But out on the blogosphere, I am uninhibited. I feel liberated here – I can cuss, whinge, unburden my heart, be funny, be a bitch. I have been kicking myself for not having discovered this before.
However by the time I had churned out eight or nine blogs, there came that inevitable stage phase when starting I desiring an audience. I have been visiting a number of blogs in this one month and dear me, there are many blogs which get a couple of hundred ‘likes’!! The most I have ever got is maybe 5 likes. Well, I know I am not a great writer and most probably I bore people to death. 5 likes is perhaps way too many for someone of my abilities. Still my silly heart wanted like to see more people at least viewing my posts. Some traffic would be good just to acknowledge the effort I am putting into this.
So I Google ‘How to increase traffic on your blog’ and lo-and-behold! A whole lot of stuff comes spewing out. The general consensus is ‘It’s not about Blogging More, It’s About Promoting More’. Hmm – that is not good news for a person who does not like speaking about herself too much. Still I read on. Apparently there are all sorts of sites like Pinterest, Tumblr, Stumbled Upon, Digg, Reddit that can help you direct scores of people towards your blog. I have never heard of those before. I have heard of ‘Twitter’ but I don’t have an account there (I know! I am so last century, right?). Then just as I was feeling hopelessly outdated and frumpy, I see the familiar logo. Facebook! Oh yes, I have an FB profile. Gosh, this is going to be my saving grace! Thank you, Mark Zuckerberg! So feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, I post my most recent blog on my timeline.
A second later, I start panicking. Oh shit – I forgot! This was supposed to be my anonymous blog. Now my 377 friends know that it is me who is behind this. I feel so exposed. I have written stuff on my blogs which is politically incorrect, stuff that can be hurtful to some people, stuff I would never have said out aloud to them, being the outwardly prim and proper person that I am in real life. I quickly start reading through my blogs again singling out potentially damaging stuff. Damn – I cribbed about A there – she won’t like it! I said some not so nice things about B there – though I have not mentioned his name, I am sure he will be able to recognize himself , as will our mutual friends.
So now what? I need some damage control. Should I delete the post now before someone else sees it? I log into Facebook again with the intention of deleting the post. And I see someone has already put in a comment in the five minutes the post has been up (Guys, really? Do people have nothing to do?!). But yes, I feel mushy again. Aww – someone read my post! Isn’t that exciting? Ok, I am in dilemma here. To delete or not to delete! I sit staring at that post on my timeline for a while.
In the end, I do nothing.
I do not know what is will happen next. I am imagining this giant spotlight trained on me. How will I write without inhibitions while the whole world knows this is me?? I have given it some thought and I have the following options –
1) Hire a time machine and go back a few hours in time. This time I would press the ‘Cancel’ instead of the ‘Share’ button on Facebook. Then I can continue my anonymous (two-faced?) blog life as usual.
2) Give up blogging altogether and live a safe life again. Hope people who have felt hurt about some of the posts forgive and forget.
3) Continue blogging but with a lot of care. Choose only politically correct neutral topics – such as quilting, 5 winter vegetables to grow in your backyard, flora and fauna of Southern Australia.
4) Delete this blog account and open another one. This time do NOT link to own Facebook account!
5) Say ‘To hell with it!’ and carry on blogging as myself, no matter who is looking over my shoulder.
I haven’t decided which course of action to take as yet.